#193 Kaitlin Klarer on levelling up sex through intimacy, communication and openness!

February 24, 2024 Ian Dawson Mackay ALL PODCAST EPISODES, DATING & RELATIONSHIPS, TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE 1:20:01 0 Comments

TODAY's GUEST IS Kaitlin Klarer!

Today’s guest is Kaitlin Klarer! 

Sex. We all love it, we all want it and we all want to be the best at it! Yet, a lot of us suck at it … so what can we do about it?! We learn from a talented sex coach! Introducing Kaitlin! 

Kaitlin is a Sex Coach with a Masters’s in Counseling and a background in the adult entertainment industry. She is the creator of the hilarious talk show, Watch Girls Watch Porn and also is an educator on PornHub’s wellness channel. 

She is passionate about challenging our society’s pervasive sex-negative scripts and wants people to view sexuality as a highly diverse and inclusive entity. Her work involves using holistic, biopsychosocial approaches when helping clients achieve their sexual fulfillment and helping individuals and couples with sexual, relational and intimacy problems. Sex coaching is the process of taking the client’s hands and guiding them to sexual fulfillment. It involves a combination of psychoeducation, talking through issues, accessing un-allowed emotions, the practice of sexual exercises, home assignments, and a step-by-step progression of sexual techniques.

Sex coaching is holistic, non-judgemental, sex-positive, and celebrates the full range of sexual experiences. Sessions are future-focused and goal-oriented, allowing clients to work through sexual blockers and achieve true sexual-fulfillment.

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KEY POINTS, Links & Actions

Here are some key points that I would advise you to concentrate on:

  • Sex is a skill that we can all learn, but we need to put our ego aside and ask for help.
  • Delayed and early ejaculation are symptoms of a problem that can be fixed, not something that you need to live with your whole life.
  • Better sex is about education and communication, and being open to learning about yourself, your partner(s) and pleasure (giving and receiving). 
  • Sex coaching is holistic, non-judgemental, sex-positive, and celebrates the full range of sexual experiences. Sessions are future-focused and goal-oriented, allowing clients to work through sexual blockers and achieve true sexual-fulfillment.
  • A sex coach is a trained professional who helps individuals and couples with sexual, relational and intimacy problems. Sex coaching is the process of taking the client’s hands and guiding them to sexual fulfillment. It involves a combination of psychoeducation, talking through issues, accessing un-allowed emotions, the practice of sexual exercises, home assignments, and a step-by-step progression of sexual techniques.
  • Sex can be noisy, sweaty, smelly, there are parts that will smell, fluids about, body parts behaving inappropriately etc, feel free to laugh, make jokes, commiserate and be truthful. Sometimes it is a medical thing, sometimes it is a worry that they need reassurance with etc. Sex is not all roses and in the clouds, be open to the real side of sex. 
  • To connect to someone, you need to explain your wants and needs, but it can be difficult to do as we are not taught as children how to have difficult conversations. 
  • You need to understand what your true wants, needs and interests are and be open to discussing and communicating about what you want in the bedroom … you deserve great sex in your life! 
  • No matter what you are into, people will judge and comment on you and your interests. This doesn’t mean you are wrong or bad. There will be people who are into the same things. It also doesn’t mean your interests are better or more ‘right’ than others. Don’t judge others, don’t ridicule or hate on others. Find your tribe or work it out. 
  • You are not meant to know everything – like you would do with a personal trainer in a gym to build muscles, a sex coach will help you learn the intimacy, skills and communication methods you need to discover what you want and need, ask for it with your partner, and truly connect with one another. 
  • Consent is the key to a happy and healthy sex life. It can be sexy, hot and enticing and sex should never be pushed for, forced or used as a weapon in a relationship. 
  • Partners are not mind-readers, you need to explain and tell them what you like and dislike. Why suffer with bad sex, talk to your partner or partners, and be truthful, honest and open to what you want and need, and listen to their needs and wants to. Great sex can be the result of open discussions. You can do all these amazing milestones with a partner, and you feel scared to say how you want to have sex with her? See how stupid it is! Talk to them! 
  • You can change your sex life right now … new toys, new positions, new approaches or locations, a change in the status of the partners and so much more. There is plenty you can do to upgrade your sex life and take it to the next level! 
  • Women need an emotional fix during sex, where men are mostly physical. Women get off on how you make her feel while men get off more on the act. So act accordingly, and work on making her feel amazing and in the moment, to reach that next level.
  • Look at what you want, what you like and dislike, what is it saying about you, is it a side of you that are hiding or need to explore or consider more. However, it can mean nothing and you are just a horny fuck! Don’t beat yourself up, be happy to explore and not beat yourself up (unless you are into that 🙂 )
  • Relationships are on a spectrum, what is normal for you might be different or not suitable or others. There is a wide range of interests, fetishes, and relationship types, what is for one person might not be for the next. 
  • Thrusting away is the way to be terrible in bed. Women and others want angles, different stimulation etc – not everyone can orgasm via penal penetration. Communication and true intimacy is key to great sex. 
  • Porn can be helpful in some ways but is not a true representation of how sex is and should be acted on – porn actors are there to make money and get attention, it is not what real people want and need. 
  • It’s OK to not want to do something, be interested in something, or wanting to try things, but not all others will. Some people will be into trying it, some will be a hard no. You can either try to work around it, be open to trying things etc, or find people who are into it. This is why communication and chatting outside the bedroom is just as important as intimacy between the partners. 
  • Learning about the different styles and types of sex will open your mind and understanding about sex, and it might help you discover your interests and wants in the bedroom. 
  • Our sexual interests and attitude are benefited and often hampered by our understanding and acceptance of the male and female energies, societal scripts and roles in society.  
  • You can introduce new acts, equipment and styles into your sex life but don’t surprise her during sex, discuss it outside the bedroom, start slow, and let the partner(s) decide their own level and interests and what they are happy to take part in. 
  • To help your partner understand and be more open to things you want to try, don’t just say what you want to do or try, explain why it turns you on and you want to try. Explain your reasoning, be open to discussing it, and don’t sulk if they say no and be willing to make amendments to what is being requested and provided in return.  
  • Women can be just as kinky and freaky as a man but need to warm up more than a man needs! 

LEVEL UP Time WITH THIS KEY LESSON!

Sex is a skill that we can all learn, but we need to put our ego aside and ask for help. 

It’s OK to not want to do something, be interested in something, or wanting to try things, but not all others will. Some people will be into trying it, some will be a hard no. You can either try to work around it, be open to trying things etc, or find people who are into it. This is why communication and chatting outside the bedroom is just as important as intimacy between the partners. 

Porn can be helpful in some ways but is not a true representation of how sex is and should be acted on – porn actors are there to make money and get attention, it is not what real people want and need. 

Women can be just as kinky and freaky as a man but need to warm up more than a man needs! 

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About the Author
I’m a podcaster who interviews great examples of people to discuss and highlight the methods, hacks, tips and procedures you can use in your own life to help you develop and better your life. I would definitely not consider myself an expert, so to improve, I ask them and action it in my own life! My personal journey has been marked by awkwardness and awesomeness, OCD and ‘OMG’. I have suffered with depression, shyness, unhappiness and lack of focus and motivation so I know what’s it like to feel lost and hopeless. Back then, I wished I had a podcast to listen to and find actual fixes and concrete action steps and not just unobtainable suggestions and promotion of their products but couldn’t find it … so I made my own!

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