00:00:00.00 iandawsonmackay ze and the the links and all that sort of stuff in at the end. But um thank you so much for coming on. You're an absolute star. You're somebody who I've followed for a while on social media, so it's so great that we can connect. 00:00:09.62 Michelle Rose Thank you. 00:00:13.88 iandawsonmackay But for those who maybe don't recognize the name, and they should be ashamed that they don't, how would you explain who you are and what do you do? 00:00:23.65 Michelle Rose you Okay, so I'm Michelle Rose. I have been a yoga teacher for 12 years. um And I came into teaching yoga through personal crisis. Like I needed yoga for me for mental health. And yoga took me, it just really helped me to clear away old stuff. It was therapy. Teaching yoga and practicing yoga was therapy. Movement and deep breathing helped to just clear out some old stuff. I really, I had ADHD before. ah Never diagnosed, but it was pretty obvious. It was just, I didn't need to be diagnosed. And just that constant moving and breathing all day teaching 00:01:09.14 Michelle Rose cleared it away, like I'm just, I'm a different person. And so um that led me into teaching breath work, because unlike many people, they say, I can't meditate. um I'm um better off moving, I'm a moving person. So breath work really suited me rather than meditation, because it just gets all that stimulation out, and it gets me into a meditative state. So got me into that. And then Project Lefim was really born out of uh, just deep heartbreak and regret, uh, because I had, I broke up with a partner of eight years and it was a beautiful relationship. Love of my life, like was then, I will have another one, but, um, I didn't think we were going to ever break up. And so when, when I felt that things weren't really moving in the direction that I thought we should, I felt like we weren't really growing anymore. 00:02:09.19 Michelle Rose I kept trying to fix it and fix myself. And there was just so many signs that it wasn't for either of us anymore, but there was deep love. And so I kept trying to go back and fix myself. And eventually we did finish it. And I realized I really had to finish. um And then, you know, I was really sitting with the grief of that. I was really sitting with the pain going, okay, there's part of it. I was in pain because I loved him indeed dearly. I didn't expect it to finish even though it needed to. um But also this pain of like, I'm not where I should be in my life. I was 46 and I'd lost the opportunity but to buy a home together. um I lost the man who I thought I was going to marry. I was just not where I thought I would be at 46 years old. 00:03:03.55 Michelle Rose And my head was just saying some horrible things like, you know, you should have been married in your 30s, you should have already a bought a house, you should have done this, you should have done that. um So what are you? And like, my head was also saying like, in terms of my health and my body and my appearance and um having another partner and, you know, wanting to get married, it's like, you know, you just hang up your boots, just forget about all that stuff, you're done, like it's too late. And I'm like, How about I just do the exact opposite of that? You know, how about I just really discover who I really am, forget all of that conditioning of where I should be in my life and um and go from there. And so that's where Project LIFEM was born. It helped me to ah just discover that part of me that's like, loves to rebel a little bit. 00:03:55.28 Michelle Rose ah loves to be feminine and loves colors and loves to feel good about myself, loves to take care of myself. um And also it helped me to heal the regret of the relationship because one big theme in the relationship was neglect and abandonment. I completely neglected my partner. I put work and money and getting ahead in front of him So much, like there was so many weekends away that I didn't go to and he had to go by himself or so many social events that I didn't go to because I was having to get ahead and I was having to work on my business and having to do all this stuff. Cause I thought we would never split up. And so when we did, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I should have just done all that stuff. We're going to break up anyway. I should have done all that stuff. It would have been beautiful. Um, and so I realized, well, how can I fix this? I couldn't heal the neglect ah that feeling of regret. 00:04:53.27 Michelle Rose and neglecting him because I caused a lot of pain. And I thought the only way I can really heal this is to address the self-neglect. And so that's that's one of the key things that started Project Living is looking at where I was really neglecting myself, everything I love to do, all of my needs, all of my desires, just I had them all on the back burner. So that you can't neglect somebody else unless you're neglecting yourself first. So I came out of that and and then I started to really dive into who is Michelle? 00:05:23.30 iandawsonmackay Huh? 00:05:27.12 Michelle Rose Who am I really? Who is this Michelle Rose character? And then I started to really discover who I really am minus what I was being told that I should be. And that healed the regret and I told him about it in the end. So yeah. 00:05:42.09 iandawsonmackay have no idea how close of a story we have because I've lost a partner and it completely changed me and I don't think I ever ah have they ever been that person again. 00:05:47.15 Michelle Rose No way. 00:05:53.85 iandawsonmackay I think I've always lived a shell of myself, I've always kind of And lately, the last, say, five, ten years, I've spent all my time at work. I've kind of lost my hobbies, I've lost my passion, I've lost my interest. And I know what you mean. It's that horrible moment you wake up and you look back and go, hey, wait a minute here. 00:06:08.46 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:06:13.35 iandawsonmackay what who Who am I? Where am I? What am I doing? And yes, it's an arbitrary, somebody has said 2.4 kids by the time you're 35. I'm not married, no kids. And suddenly I'm looking back going, this isn't how life was meant to be. why this I shouldn't be this way. So why do you think we use like drink, drugs, um, casual sex, uh, I don't know, like TV to kind of, why do we want to live in burnout, despair, pain, misery? 00:06:33.62 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:06:48.05 iandawsonmackay Um, you know, why do we want to just feel empty, but not deal with it and just deal with the symptoms of it? 00:06:58.98 Michelle Rose i I haven't done that since the breakup, which was over two years ago. I've really dived into being the way I want to be and discovering what that is. However, I can relate to it when I was in the relationship and before I was really neglecting. I wasn't listening to all the signs and symptoms in my body. I don't drink alcohol. because it's just not for me. um And it's best that I avoid sugar too. You know, all the dopamine rushes, something in me just goes, oh wow, this is exciting, it's the party. 00:07:34.05 Michelle Rose So for me, I would numb with anything with sugar. And so when I was in the relationship, before I was in that relationship, I didn't drink. I hadn't drunk for four years because I discovered, oh, there's something in it that just doesn't work for me. 00:07:46.23 iandawsonmackay Hmm. 00:07:46.92 Michelle Rose I'm too sensitive. 00:07:47.87 iandawsonmackay I'm just definitely the same. 00:07:48.54 Michelle Rose So I was very, same, yeah. 00:07:51.15 iandawsonmackay No. 00:07:51.55 Michelle Rose So, um I, the more sensitive people that I meet, um, can't, can't drink. And almost all of them have to avoid sugar, I would say. Uh, then anyway, um, so I was in the relationship and about just about, I don't know how many months after he moved in with me. Uh, and I'm going to tell you, this was a beautiful man. We love each other still. We're not in contact now, but like, there's no hard feelings. It was a beautiful breakup, beautiful relationship. But I started to create alcohol. And I'm like, well, this is weird. I haven't drunk for four years, haven't missed it, haven't wanted to, can go to bars and everything. I don't have to avoid anything. It's just that I don't want it in my body. It doesn't work for me. And I started to crave it and I thought, oh, maybe it's fine. Maybe I just want to enjoy some wine with my partner. So I so i thought, okay, well, i would like if I get a strong craving for something, I just got to have it. It's just a nightmare if I try and avoid a craving. I just got to learn why I'm craving it and learn not to crave it. Otherwise I'm going to have it. 00:08:49.41 Michelle Rose So I thought, I'll, I'll jump on that and I'll see what it is. And anyways, so like, it was a battle ever since I started again. I'm like, I just felt guilty whenever I drank in like a glass, two glasses, sometimes there's a bottle because then you just get used to it. Um, it was a nightmare. Like there was something in my head going like something's very wrong and I couldn't understand. So, um, it's not until I got out of the relationship three weeks later, I had lost all interest in drinking it again. And since then I've really come off sugar as well. Like that's not for me either. And I don't and really want it most of the time. So um why do we do that? Back to your question. For me, I was doing all that stuff because I was in denial. I was ignoring the true Michelle and all of her cries of like, this is not how I want to be living. This is not fulfilling. This is not what my heart desires. 00:09:47.82 Michelle Rose because I was like, you are this age, you should be doing this, and you've got to be married by now. Hurry up and get a house, for God's sake. Get on the train that everybody else is on. And because I was just ignoring all of that, even though I was with a beautiful person, my heart was like, yeah, he's amazing. But you were meant to be together for a certain time. And and there's all not that there was just a big disconnect. There was something that wasn't right. And so um for me, that's what it is. like When I do anything numbing, I think I'm trying to numb that wisdom inside of myself. It's like, hey, the way we're living right now, what we're doing right now is not not making me happy. How about we address that? 00:10:33.02 iandawsonmackay Because you'll have a lot of people just now saying, oh, well, I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I'm OK. But what they're not thinking about is, if we are chasing external validation, you know if you're working yourself every night because you think, oh, if I get the next bonus, I'm a big a better man. If I get a better car, I'm a better person. And a lot of times, that is actually a sign of you trying to hide from who you truly are. And I'm like that now. When I look back, I'm like, oh, and I get another 100,000 downloads. 00:11:05.88 iandawsonmackay Oh, that'll make me better. If I go, I'll go back to the gym. I've been saying that for months now. But ah once I finish this bit at work, once I do this at work, once I've done that, and I'm living a life of somebody else, well, life is going past me. 00:11:17.07 Michelle Rose oh 00:11:22.89 iandawsonmackay And I really liked your explanation about how we live with the masculine and the feminine energy. Now I interviewed a guy called Aubrey Marcus. When I used to have a question about what is masculinity to us, people used to go on about strength, power, you know, like all the male characteristics. Aubrey was the first person that ever mentioned feminine energy as a male, about how we have both 00:11:48.49 Michelle Rose Um, yeah. 00:11:48.57 iandawsonmackay the ying and the yang sort of thing. And how do we understand that as a man of our feminine energy and our male energy? And how do we know what are kind of the behaviors of the wounded versions of those? Because I really like how you explain the kind of behaviors and the outputs that we would have while we're living in those. um But what what are signs that we are not quite right in each of these bits. Is it chasing external validation rather than internal? Is it you know constantly campaigning ourselves? What have you noticed and how we live out with these energies? 00:12:33.65 Michelle Rose Yeah, great question. ah There's something you were saying just before that about when I get this done, then I'll be happy. When I get this done, then I'll be happy. ah That's what I did throughout that whole relationship. um So the external chasing is wounded energy. um To answer your question, I'm going to show you two books. So I wrote a book years ago, In Love, Become Love and Love Comes. That was like um It's about reflective consciousness. And I'm not talking this book because I don't recommend you follow. It's a great story, my story, of but ah the processes in it are outdated. um The book now that I go to, but that, that's when I was first really discovering masculine feminine. um But, you know, the ways of working through things now are just so much more fine tuned and faster, I find. um So in terms of, 00:13:25.50 Michelle Rose healthy masculine feminine, wounded masculine feminine. I was praying for a book, I recently went to the States and I was praying like, i this is my life now, like really moving into the healthy version of these. 00:13:37.55 iandawsonmackay Thank you. 00:13:38.34 Michelle Rose um And I just wanted a more succinct book. And so I was in um California and I found this amazing yoga studio there. And as I said before, I'm fussy. I've taught for 12 years. I'm very fussy about who I go and practice with. And this yoga studio is so good. It's Soho Yoga on Homosa Beach in California. And the day after I got there, they're like, hey, ah tomorrow we've got this workshop happening, and it's Danae Logan, and she's going to do a yoga class and then do a workshop on her book called Sovereign Love, and this is the book. And this book explains it beautifully, like the way she writes amazing. She's studied depth psychology, so not depth, depth is indeed. 00:14:18.96 Michelle Rose And she's got this, and it's in the book, and ill I'll send it through to you. I've scribbled all over this one, but it's got like um healthy and wounded energies. And so to answer your question about, like valid seeking validation is like a wounded feminine thing, but seeking externally is um kind of wounded energy period, but wounded masculine. ah So just a few snippets, like when we're living in wounded energy, and we'll we'll shoot back and forth between the two, um But the more ah aware we are of healthy energies, the more we can attune to them and live by them. So when the masculine is like um aggressive, stuck in the mind, not present, cold, distant, competitive, withdrawn, bullying, struggles to communicate needs, it has to be right. I know a lot of people like that, that used to be me. Reactive, withdraws, can be narcissistic, needs to fix, afraid to fail, and ignores emotions, but the healthy 00:15:18.83 Michelle Rose masculine, which we all have, creates safety, a safe space, like what you do on your podcast. um Witnesses without judgment holds space, again, that's what you do on your podcast, is present without a goal, guides, has integrity and awareness, committed to the truth, listens deeply, supportive and encouraging, faces fears, is humble, so not egotistical, um All these sorts of things. And a wounded feminine is irrational, desperate, needy, manipulative, insecure. And as you mentioned before, seeks external valid validation. Chases, obsessives as a victim, critical, people pleasing. But then the healthy version is more trusting of self and our inner wisdom. Loving, playful, expressive, heart-centered, surrendered, 00:16:18.94 Michelle Rose loves to connect and collaborate, um creative, vulnerable, compassionate, sensual, ah vibrates with the energy of nature, connected to source, authentic, grounded. So I'll send those through to you because this' she's got a um ah page in the book with them listed beautifully. But yeah, so I mean, anybody that's curious, I'd just go straight to that book and and her insta, like, it's just summed up so well, and it's helped me just to constantly see where I'm at. And now I find that if I find myself in wounded energy, I would like, okay, what's the healthy version of this? And then I just, I jump, I jump to it. 00:16:58.98 iandawsonmackay And do you find that with men, though, that when you say you're living in feminine energy or you're in wounded energy, a reaction from men is to go, I don't have feminine energy. you know They take it as an attack on their masculinity, rather than understanding that we all have male and female energy. but Do you find that a kind of a reaction from men? It's like, don't be silly. um' This is too airy-fairy. This is not for me. Is is that the kind of immature defence that you know somebody's not ready to tackle this? Or is that like, did you have that while you were changing in that moment of 00:17:36.06 iandawsonmackay Oh, no, no, no, I'm fine. I just need to work harder. I just need to do this. You looked outside rather than inside and men are maybe harder to accept. 00:17:44.37 Michelle Rose in 00:17:47.65 iandawsonmackay They have these kind of characteristics with themselves. 00:17:54.02 Michelle Rose This certainly can be and women certainly can as well. So I do find um a lot of women have a lot of wounded masculine and they're very shielded and they're aggressive and they're pushy and and men. Yes, I mean, because I was very um prone to So masculine en energy is is giving, it's generous, it does stuff, it's busy. And of course that can be over the top. um And I was, when I was in window masculine, I was always busy. I was always, always busy. um So I would attract in relationships, um especially this last one. You know, a partner tends to be the opposite of us energetically. 00:18:41.46 Michelle Rose not Not necessarily, like naturally, like if I'm in my masculine, um the partner isn't necessarily like a core feminine, but if I'm in the masculine energy at one point with a partner, they'll be in the feminine. If I'm in the wounded masculine, he'll be in the wounded feminine. If I'm in wounded feminine, he'll be in wounded masculine. If I'm in healthy feminine, he'll be in healthy masculine. So to answer your question, when I was with my partner, I knew about this stuff. um 00:19:09.10 iandawsonmackay Yeah. 00:19:09.88 Michelle Rose And I would just spot how feminine he was. And sometimes I would say like, I need can ah need you to step up. I need you to step up and lead. I wanna follow. I don't wanna be the boss here. And yes, he would bucket that. He'd be like, he would say, no, I'm not. No, that's rubbish, blah, blah, blah. But he's since learned a bit about it himself. I don't know if he accepts what I was saying before. But yeah, i a lot of women, like when we get in relationships, if we're stuck in this masculine, our partner will naturally go to the feminine. It's like, what's the point of helping her? She's got it. She can do it all herself, which drives us crazy. So yeah, I think a lot of people are defensive about it. Women are defensive about it as well. um But I think more and more people are learning this and understanding this. And it's, well, especially in my circles, because I'm like in the yoga space and people are 00:20:03.37 Michelle Rose I think more aware of this dialogue. So it's not, they're not so defensive around it. um But I think somebody has never really heard of it. Could absolutely be like, what are you calling me a girl? Like, no way. 00:20:18.05 iandawsonmackay because I've seen that a lot of guys kind of going no no no that's that's the emotional stuff that's the woman's stuff and I was like no guys are like this as well and I think we need to and understand 00:20:24.43 Michelle Rose thank you You know, I heard something recently. I had something recently to interrupt you, but like, it was beautiful. My man said, um grown men cry, grown men cry. And that really hit me, I thought, wow, yeah, because if a man, anybody, if we suppress our emotions, they don't go away, kind of gain power and chase us. But um if we want to stay stark in our childhood stuff, suppress those emotions, yeah, don't cry. 00:20:57.98 Michelle Rose But when I heard grown men cry, I thought that is so damn true. 00:20:58.05 iandawsonmackay Bye. 00:21:02.38 iandawsonmackay Well, if you think about it, like when a girl cries, all our friends, like say at school, all our friends come over and check her and hug her and make sure she's OK. And they talk about it where boys are made fun of. So you you hold that in. And if you've got nowhere for you to to process and deal with that, you're going to fire it out by throwing punches or chase these imaginary shiny objects outside because you don't know how to deal with this raw neglect. and I've interviewed a few people who have talked about repenting your inner child and finding out who you are and you know and I was just kind of like well you know it kind of I think we all get to there's I don't remember the exact quote but there's two basic basically you die twice in your life the first time when you realize you're not gonna live forever and then when you when you actually die and I think I've just come to 00:21:53.37 Michelle Rose Mm. 00:21:56.89 iandawsonmackay realisation. I'm just turned 41 recently and I'm just like, is this it? I might have potentially another 35 years. I might lose my parents and and that terrifies me because they're the only, like, I've lost the friendships I had. People have moved on, married kids, and I don't know what I want from life and I'm not moving on and it terrifies me the fact that I might not have that life that I expected at this age and now I'm like what do I want to do and if I could turn this into 00:22:31.78 iandawsonmackay I don't know, like a ah place for people to come to find themselves, to change, to become better people, to become the person they want to be. That's my mission now in life, I think. um And I can't wait to do that for other people. 00:22:43.48 Michelle Rose e 00:22:45.88 iandawsonmackay And I love that when you created your project, you did the exact same thing. And I remember there was a post you said, I i didn't like color. But I used to love it. I didn't like lingerie, so I started to wear it again. I didn't like to do X, so I started to do it again. and you know I love that sense of you've discovered who you are. How how do we start doing that? 00:23:08.10 Michelle Rose Yeah, well, I think a lot of things I did. I did love all that stuff, but I just didn't give myself time for it because I'm like, that's not important. Getting ahead is important. You know, you have to be safe and secure. You've got to get all the safety stuff because I didn't feel safe ultimately. um I needed external stuff to make me think that I was worth something and that I could then go and live my life because everything was set. um But ah that's just not the path that I'm meant to be living. So what did you say? How did I rediscover all of that? 00:23:40.88 iandawsonmackay Yeah, because a lot of guys are like, OK, I want to be better. I want the more time with the kids. I want more time with XYZ. You know, again, they're not dealing with themselves. How how do we find out the things because they're buried within us? the things that gives us the smile, the things that makes us laugh, the things that makes us feel like little kids again when we're doing them, you know, like riding bikes with the kids. 00:23:57.20 Michelle Rose um 00:24:05.25 iandawsonmackay And suddenly you go, oh my God, that was amazing. Because it reminds you of yourself as that age. 00:24:08.74 Michelle Rose yeah 00:24:10.24 iandawsonmackay How do we, how did you find that? Did you journal? Was it meditation? You talk about prayer a lot. You know, as how did you start that journey? 00:24:18.66 Michelle Rose I love that you just said that. Okay, I love that you just picked up on that. I'm smiling because this is Uh, this is really, this is really me. Um, I grew up in a very religious household, like strictly staunchly Catholic, and it crushed me. Uh, I'm not against any belief system. I'm not against any religion, but I think that we've got to discover what's right for us and what feels right for us. And so there was all these rigid rules and like anger, if you didn't follow it, and there was punishment and all this sort of stuff. And, um, that, 00:24:56.51 Michelle Rose never resonated with me. I didn't like it. I hate it actually. However, I'm incredibly devoted to something I can't see. Very devoted to the energy that my creator, whatever you want to call it, I feel incredibly connected. I feel um very guided. So um for me, discovering Michelle, I just tuned into um 00:25:27.36 Michelle Rose that through prayer. And I don't pray in any particular way. I just chat like I'm changing now. So I tend to um just wake up in the morning and sort of say hi to my creator and just ask what wants to come through me right now. I believe that we're all channels. I believe that we're channeling this energy that wants to be expressed through us. And then I'll, you know, I'll I'll pray for things that I want and then I will ask like, hey, just give me some signs. Tell me if I'm on track. Tell me what I should be doing. Um, because I, because I was so much living in what I, where I, what I thought I should be doing based on other people's beliefs. I had to just drop all of that and go, okay, none of that worked. Like, please show me another way. What am I supposed to be doing for me? 00:26:20.30 Michelle Rose uh, just me and my creator. And so, uh, so I don't follow a religion or anything, but I'm just devoted to, to this energy. Um, and so for me, it was prayer. And then I had to learn how to surrender and really trust. And so, um, trusting that I was on track. So, um, I would start to get images. Like Lefim came through as an image. Um, and I was like, Oh, wow, this is beautiful. It's really pretty. sexy, it's naughty, it's rebellious, but the energy was very, very powerful. I was like, this wants to come out of me. But I was so confused because I'm like, I haven't seen this before. Nobody's doing this. What is this? I don't know what it is. So when you and I wanted to chat at first, I'm like, I'm still not clear. I don't really know what this is. It took the second photo shoot for me to go, this is what it's all about. It's about the healthy feminine and masculine that wants to come through. It's about us tuning into who we really are 00:27:17.40 Michelle Rose like fuck the conditioning, fuck what anybody else is doing. Who cares if you've lost everything in your body? Start again, great, it's a woman awakening. um And it's about, yeah, for me, just tuning into this energy and then asking, okay, who am I really? What do I love? And I just find that I'll get answers through images. I'll get answers through just a knowing that comes through. I'll get answers to other people, like people will just start to say things. And if I hear something two or three times, I'm like, oh, right, like if you know hear a book three times in a week, I'm like, oh, I got it, I got it, thanks. Like I meant to read that book, thanks. Or um ah things that bring me joy. So like, I remember I was teaching yoga not so long ago and I was like, and just this little voice inside of me, I was in the middle of teaching a class and this voice said to me, I want this. 00:28:13.52 Michelle Rose I want this and it was a really sad version of me. Cause I hadn't been giving myself time and I wanted yoga for me. And so that's, you know, then I took myself off to the U S and I found a beautiful yoga studio and I did heaps of yoga for me and I was lit up and I was so happy and it just bought me so much joy. Um, but another way of answering your questions. So for me, it was prayer and then just really handing it over, learning to really hand over and just trust that, that energy that I believe in. um wants me to evolve and wants me to have fun here um like on the planet and drag a lot of people along with me. But also um plant medicine came into it as well. So i i I did it. Mushrooms came into my life like a couple of years ago and I did a meditation with mushrooms which I found profoundly healing. It healed layers of grief, 00:29:12.68 Michelle Rose And then it started to really show me who I was as well. 00:29:17.65 iandawsonmackay Do you think, because you've talked on a few posts about tackling our shame, dealing with the grief, dealing with the pain, how do we start tackling that? Because that can be such an emotional roller coaster. I mean, because my sister's got kids, and when suddenly I was playing computer games with them, and we're playing, you know, like chasing each other when we're out of a walk with the dogs and stuff, and 00:29:37.83 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:29:42.01 iandawsonmackay we were doing all these silly games and I was like really opened up my kind of like love of fun again and being the sense of wonder and answering their questions and doing all the kind of fun stuff for them. But it also started making me feel sad that I had lost that. I had done maybe a bad thing when I was younger. I had done, ah I had hurt somebody's feelings. I had whatever it was and all these kind of emotions were coming back up. How do we start dealing with the shame, the pain, the exhaustion when we actually are giving ourselves a chance to be open to it? How did you deal with that and how did you find a way of understanding that you accept love, that you can change and become that person again? how How did you deal with these kind of feelings initially? 00:30:33.72 Michelle Rose um I knew when initially like two or two and a half odd years ago when my life really changed, um I thought, okay, I feel like I'm going to have to agree for about four months. I just felt like it was going to be four months. So what I did, um I would just cry it all out and just really sit in the depth of my sadness ah with all the like, you know, I just couldn't, you know, I have mornings where I woke up going, I can't see how this is ever gonna get better. um Just really dove into that. So I really allowed myself. I didn't try to busy myself from it. I was busy working, but say I'd wake up and cry. I'd go to work and I'd serve 00:31:20.30 Michelle Rose I'd come home and I'd cry. I'd go to work. I'd come home and I'd cry. In every break, I'd come home and I'd cry. um And a cry is, you know whenever I could, I just sat with what was happening and the pain of it all. um And then, ah so it did take a good four months. And then as I i mentioned, I had some plant assistance to to get the rest of the rest of it out to a point. But then I discovered breath work. ah So breath work, it took me into my subconscious and then again, it took out layers. So i I was really lucky that I could test out both. So I just did it by myself, but whatever was left that was really, really deep, um I got to try plant medicine, which was phenomenal. But then breath work was really, really helpful. Cause I thought plant medicine is a bit of a commitment. Like you're looking at hours and hours there, but breath work you can do in an hour. 00:32:18.47 Michelle Rose And I love that because I was like, okay, I can do that in a work break. I can do that when I get home from work. And so I really dove into a lot of breath work for myself to dig up whatever else was there. And what I discovered in that process of like, uh, because it taps you into, uh, your inner wisdom, um, that helps to resolve things I've found. So it dug up the emotions that I love to express. So I wasn't, um, storing anything anymore. But then it would feed me the wisdom once I'd be crying it out or screaming it out and then crying it out, because breath work, I like to scream at the end of the journey. It's just a big emotional, like energetic release. And then I cry most of the time. And then I get this wisdom. And you know when when it's like, when it's coming from the head and from intellect, if you had to write stuff down, it could be pages. But when it's wisdom, I find it's like, 00:33:15.73 Michelle Rose a sentence, three words, but it's profound and it's life changing. 00:33:19.50 iandawsonmackay That really just connects with you. 00:33:19.71 Michelle Rose So breath work, yeah, it really, breath work got me there. 00:33:20.94 iandawsonmackay Yeah. 00:33:24.13 Michelle Rose So it got me the rest of the way. um So that's how I dealt with it. It's like, I couldn't think myself free. I had to really go deep into my subconscious and breathe it out, feel it out, cry it out, scream it out. and then receive the wisdom, which took me full circle. It was like, um what do they call it? Like radical forgiveness, like understanding it from all angles and to to a point where there's like, oh, there's nothing to forgive. I see if other people are involved, I see the innocence ah and they're part of it. And if it was just me, I see full circle. Like if I'm stuck in the, like what I did wrong, I got to see how it wasn't my fault at all. I hope that makes sense to that. 00:34:12.14 iandawsonmackay No, it makes a lot of sense, because I think we all kind of deal with it in our own way. 00:34:12.61 Michelle Rose how I've dealt with all the guilt and the grief and the shame. 00:34:18.69 iandawsonmackay And I think a lot of times that's why people use these kind of substances or like work or whatever, is to avoid dealing with that. And I remember my brother saying to me years ago, crying is good if you're upset. 00:34:28.09 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:34:30.82 iandawsonmackay you know Just let it out. And I remember thinking, oh, it was almost like permission for a boy to cry, because you know you're meant to be tough, strong, masculine, all the silly stuff that we think as kids. 00:34:37.66 Michelle Rose Yeah. Yeah. 00:34:41.25 iandawsonmackay and I can remember like finding out about I have OCD and somebody telling me about using breath work to control that and when you're feeling anxious to you know like deep breathing, box breathing all these kind of things you know like whoa and I know what you mean that moment of sometimes I come out a podcast and go 00:34:42.00 Michelle Rose yeah 00:35:00.13 iandawsonmackay Whoa, and I just have that moment that hits me and it's like a fully formed sentence. that The universe is gone. Here you go. And I think I kind of had one just now about what we were discussing. 00:35:08.51 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:35:10.42 iandawsonmackay And it's just like how I feel like sometimes I come in as a wee boy. I'm always terrified to do these because I also feel nervous, anxious. 00:35:18.89 Michelle Rose No. 00:35:18.91 iandawsonmackay And by the end of it, I feel like I'm ready to take on the world by having the curiosity, the journey that we go on during the podcast. It probably sounds a bit out there but for me that's that moment of I see that transition and I think that's maybe what you do with the project is you talked about you know you didn't use lingerie as your enjoyment lingerie that sounded wrong used it in its other ways but but you but you've turned the project into ladies finding their divine sacred feminine beautiful selves again and that's how you 00:35:45.61 Michelle Rose No, I'll get you. 00:35:57.03 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:35:57.19 iandawsonmackay I was going to say exposing it through the project. 00:35:58.48 Michelle Rose Yeah, just. 00:36:00.06 iandawsonmackay But do you find that a project like that helps us? 00:36:01.01 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:36:03.50 iandawsonmackay Not so much tackling it and just sitting with our problems. We are actually going on a journey to discover us by having a project. Do you think we all need a project? 00:36:18.04 Michelle Rose um Oh my God, you said so many good little snippets there. Like that when you just were talking about being anxious before every... 00:36:22.62 iandawsonmackay That's my problem. 00:36:24.76 Michelle Rose I love it though. um Being anxious before every podcast, but you do it anyway. I mean, how much growth every single time? Because you know, growth is just not in our comfort zone. I love that. I'm such a big fan of that. And I say that to my younger students all the time. It's like, guys, you grow it. You're uncomfortable. Good. Stay with it. You grow, it you're changing, we want to evolve. At least our spirit does. um and There's another little saying that I really, really keep with me all the time is that our lower self wants to say the same or or go back to the past, but our higher self always wants to grow and evolve and expand. 00:37:04.24 Michelle Rose And that doesn't happen without discomfort. 00:37:07.07 iandawsonmackay I love that 00:37:07.15 Michelle Rose So you reminded me of that just now. I know, right? um So in terms of do we need a project? You know, when I wrote that first book, In Love, I felt, I did a meditation couple of years later and ah what came through was like, there's another book. And I thought, oh, what about, cause I'm not a writer. Like I'm a conversationalist. I like a chat conversationalist. So that my book is very like conversational. It's a story. um And then like lots of learnings, but I was told there's another book and I started to write it, but I'm like, but I, you know, I can't write a book until I am the finished result. 00:37:46.86 Michelle Rose So I'm like, I'm not the finished result of this next thing. And it was something to do with abundance and self-worth and whatever. And then I realized, like, after I'd started LeFam, I'm like, this is the book. I don't want to write a book anymore. this I want to tell it in images and pictures. um mean So in terms of having a project, um both you know healthy feminine energy loves to collaborate. um And so For me, it really helps my growth in what I'm doing and trying to move into the healthy versions of these energies, to have this ongoing project, to keep me in check. It's like, okay, I want to post for the fam now today. So where am I at? Am I neglected? Am I loving my life? Do I do things every day that bring me joy and make me happy um and give me pleasure? Or am I trying to seek my joy and happiness and pleasure through 00:38:39.31 Michelle Rose a man, or through sugar, or through um oh you know working too much. so because you know Every time I don't go to work, I'm very lucky. People love to be there. They love what I teach, and they live it makes them feel happy. They leave feeling better about themselves. So I'm very fortunate that I have a job where I'm doing what I love, but I'm constantly getting appreciation and gratitude, and, you know, Michelle, you're amazing. So I'm like, that can't, and I've got to watch that. Because I'm like, I can't go to that to feel good about myself. 00:39:13.66 iandawsonmackay Hmm. 00:39:13.84 Michelle Rose So if I'm really overdoing it, I'm like, oh, I think maybe I'm getting my dopamine hits from there a bit. So I've got to really tune in when I'm posting full of them and go, okay, what am I writing about today? Because it's got to be something that I'm experiencing. It's got to be something that I'm living for me to post it. Otherwise I'm not going to talk about it. So yeah, having a project is really helpful for me for that ongoing project. It keeps me in check. 00:39:38.94 iandawsonmackay Because that's what I was going to ask was like, how do you avoid, you know like because when you have that project, how do you take it and do good into the world and not use it as a way of this is now my shiny toy, my external validation to seek? Because I mean, the pictures are beautiful. 00:39:55.09 Michelle Rose Oh yeah. 00:39:56.32 iandawsonmackay You have these amazing friendships. you know, it's helping so many women and there's so many comments from guys about how it's helping them figure it out in their own lives. And obviously you get the the odd motor on them and stuff like that, but we all do, but. 00:40:10.83 Michelle Rose We don't. It's funny, we don't. 00:40:12.59 iandawsonmackay oh 00:40:13.40 Michelle Rose i i I blocked like two guys, I think at the very start, but I wasn't being clear on about what I was posting. My messaging wasn't clear. um But we get such respect for 00:40:22.87 iandawsonmackay Hmm. 00:40:25.31 Michelle Rose i but you know There's some um pictures on my front on my personal page, which is public, because I'm trying to let people know to come over to the private page. But no, we don't we don't get disrespect. It's beautiful. 00:40:38.25 iandawsonmackay I love that because I remember I got my first negative comment and I was like, oh, end of the world. 00:40:40.15 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:40:43.72 iandawsonmackay And I was suddenly thinking, that's my inner child going, no, no, this is why we don't put our head out the power pit or whatever it's called. you know like we don't We'll get shouted at. 00:40:53.12 Michelle Rose Yeah, I get you. 00:40:55.37 iandawsonmackay People will make fun of us. And then, like you're saying, your higher self is going, come on, we you know we can do this. Let's just learn from this. let's to And you're kind of like, OK, you know, like leading yourself out of it. And I think that's when I first seen it, I was like, oh, beautiful woman lingerie. 00:41:08.79 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:41:12.48 iandawsonmackay All right. OK. And then I started reading it. I was like, That makes sense. And I understand that. And I love how you space it with quotes that really kind of that shows you the deepness that you've had in it. But how do you find you've changed as a person? Because you work with some amazing women through it. 00:41:29.96 Michelle Rose Hmm. 00:41:30.30 iandawsonmackay How would you find your understanding of friendship, leadership, the collaboration? How do you think you've changed and they've changed as people by taking part in this? 00:41:44.64 Michelle Rose Oh, yeah, I learn a lot. Again, your questions are so loaded. So just before that, which I love, you were saying, how do I not go there to seek external validation and get my dopamine hits kind of thing? 00:41:51.63 iandawsonmackay That's. Hmm. 00:41:59.41 Michelle Rose And then how do we grow? ah Firstly, with the dopamine hits, like, um it's funny, like, I've had to watch it. Sometimes I've i've been about to post, And I've had to check myself, cause I can feel, where's the depth here? What are you saying? What are you doing? ah And, and I've had to like reset and just pull back because I was about to post for attention. Cause I wanted a bit of attention. How do you, cause it's easy if you're going to be posting lingerie, but it's like, and then I've had to check in going, no, no, no. What's the intention of this page? The intention of this page is for healing. 00:42:44.25 Michelle Rose and growth and to, cause when I, my relationship finished and I was like, I'm not where I wanted to be. I was like, I want to take my life from here to here. How do I, I want to grow massively and I want to see massive change and I have, and I'm really happy with where, where I've come to. Um, there has been a lot of, and I don't have results. I want to see results. And so I've like, for me, I had all these things that I want to tick off and I'm like, yeah, I'm there. So when I post, I want to make sure I'm seeing the growth in my post as well. And so, in terms of the healing for myself and the other women, yeah, it's massive. So when we do these photo shoots, like, we have panic attacks because we're not models. It's not about modeling. Like, oh, we're stockings in the shoots because I've had a lot of problems with varicose and spider veins. And just so happens, before each of the shoots, 00:43:37.95 Michelle Rose I've had lots of injections in my legs to kill off these veins. And so I'm like battered and bruised and like veins everywhere. So you'll never see me without stopping, like in the, and that's why. um So, and then like all of us, like, I mean, to Neil, she said something beautiful. Actually, all of the girls have said beautiful things to me before the shoots about their vulnerabilities. um Some of them, I will say in them in general, um one of the girls, once was at the first photo shoot, we had about seven girls there, and she said the whole time, and see, I couldn't tell, all the women looked so confident and amazing, but then they came to me after and would say, you know, the whole time my head was saying, what are you doing here? You should be here, look at the other girls, they're beautiful, you know, you're not you're not in shape like them, look at you, you got bruises everywhere, um you know, you can probably see your scars, all this sort of stuff, 00:44:36.35 Michelle Rose And so they had to like push through that voice in their head. So it's healing in a way that I find that the body just holds so much of our old rubbish. They said, you know, what the body is a subconscious mind. 00:44:49.87 iandawsonmackay Man. 00:44:49.89 Michelle Rose And so it comes out without injuries and illnesses and all like self beliefs about our body from what we're storing. And so I love as well that Le Femme is lingerie for the fact that it forces us to address these crazy body fears that we've got, these crazy self-beliefs. Like, I'm a queen at it. um And so for me, each time I do a photo shoot, I have a panic attack for sure, like before the shoot is going, what am I doing? Like, like why am I gonna reveal my body? Don't you know there's all these flaws? And like, you know, off we all say like, I can't see them in anyone else. Even if a woman, for me, has like, 00:45:34.02 Michelle Rose She's ah like a bigger woman, voluptuous, maybe she's got cellulite, maybe she's got scars, whatever. For me, I don't care, I just see her beauty. um facebook for But normally the women themselves, we can see everybody else's beauty, but not our own. And so it's so healing because we've got to address that. we're like And not when we see the photos in the end, we're like, oh, that looks okay. I don't know what I was really worried about. It looks okay. 00:46:04.27 iandawsonmackay Because I love how like everybody else is probably sitting the exact same thing going, I wish I had her hips or I wish I had her breasts or I wish I looked like that. 00:46:04.70 Michelle Rose So yeah, there's so many layers. 00:46:13.09 iandawsonmackay I wish that. And we're all sitting thinking the others are so confident and we're like we're in the exact same boat. 00:46:14.57 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:46:22.06 iandawsonmackay It's. 00:46:22.08 Michelle Rose We all are, which is what I love. I really love it. I had so many women contact me before the last shoot going, look, I'm watching you. I want to do it. I just, I'm just not ready. Then I'll come to the next one. Cause I was saying to myself, okay, Michelle, let's just get through this second photo shoot. You don't have to do it again. Like, let's just get this one done. And then all these women were saying, I'll come to the next one. I'm like, oh, damn it. going to be another Because it is so, it's so helpful. 00:46:48.35 iandawsonmackay Well that's the universe again pushing you to do it. it's not it's You're helping so many people. 00:46:52.03 Michelle Rose know right It's not comfortable. 00:46:55.95 iandawsonmackay well mean like 00:46:56.40 Michelle Rose Yeah. And like, I mean, there's women of course that, um, that have been sexually abused and we've had that on the shoots as well. We've got to be so careful. I say to the girls like, if you're in any of the group photos, that's going to go up on the internet. So if you just be behind the camera, don't get in front of the camera if you don't want to be on a page and you can just have your personal photos done so you can have your own little breakthroughs. It's just for you. That's fine. Um, so I've had one woman that really couldn't be seen because because of sexual trauma in the past, so she's not been on the page. um But I'm very lucky that I i feel safe in my body. I'm very lucky, but i'm that's not common. A lot like ah lot of women don't feel safe, so it brings up a lot of that as well. 00:47:42.18 iandawsonmackay And I find that really helpful because I love how you have that ability to, if it's your journey and that's all you want to do, use the project to help you change your life and then go and go and become a version of the person you want to be. If you want to be part of it and it' like be part of the whole journey, like the group journey, join us, we'll put it on the website, et cetera. 00:47:58.61 Michelle Rose Oh. 00:48:08.26 iandawsonmackay And I think that's why for women, this is helping because it it breaks down that stereotype of looks and you have to have a certain body and a certain this and that. Because some of my books the girls have dated some of the most beautiful people ever in my eyes. like I couldn't get enough of them. And they were sitting there going, I don't like my hips. I don't like my nose. i don't And I'm like, what are you talking about? You're gorgeous. 00:48:30.61 Michelle Rose Mm-hmm. 00:48:31.96 iandawsonmackay and then my head And then it made me realize how, no matter what age a girl, woman, as they all automaticallyally are been judged what it is Whereas that's why I've ever heard of like the the Men's Shed program ah program where guys would get together to fix lawnmowers or play cards or pool and it makes them sit and talk and that. And it's just friendship for guys because we're always the strong, dominant, you know you lead, but you don't ever 00:48:55.67 Michelle Rose Love it. 00:49:02.90 iandawsonmackay talk about your problems. So suddenly putting guys together to fix something makes them talk. Whereas this version that you're doing is helping women deal with that deep down. Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I that all the bullshit marketing that we give people that you're not enough, you have to have more. And it really it really hits home when I think about it, like how much you're helping people. And I think you're going to have to do a guys one as well. 00:49:30.47 Michelle Rose actually it's so funny you're not the only person that said that and i've been thinking uh oh my god you always you're so loaded what did you just say that really struck me yes okay um it's funny because you know the page is mine and so i see all the comments and so whenever i post um if ever i post someone you know if i post it like a slimmer woman It's like perfect. It's like, you know, people like it and admire it. They might read what I say, cool. But if I post a woman who's more voluptuous, 00:50:10.42 Michelle Rose um men in particular, and as I said before, they're respectful. They go nuts over her. It is so funny what women think is attractive and what men think is attractive. It seems to be polar opposite. So women is like, 00:50:27.84 iandawsonmackay Definitely. 00:50:28.62 Michelle Rose was wanna be really skinny and they're like, the skinnier I am, the better. Like no lumps, no bumps, no bruises, no tan lines, no scars. And what I see with the comments on the page is that's not how we're received by men. Men are like, they want more volume, they want like something more. I don't even know how to say it, but it's like, they're not going for the skinny girls. They're not going for perfection. And also this is what you just reminded me of, Um, before the last photo shoot, I had some women so close to coming and then they pulled out at the end and because they didn't feel ready and they didn't feel beautiful and they didn't feel blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's not about beauty and it's not about how you look, it's how you feel and the journey we're on about how we feel. Like, uh, so we wanted to feel good in our skin, good being us. Um, and it was the most beautiful and the most perfect, the most visually stunning women. 00:51:27.85 Michelle Rose that were the most self critical. They had the worst self image and they pulled out. 00:51:36.32 iandawsonmackay And that's probably why they spend so much on their so long on their appearance, because they believe that they have that ah they have to be a certain grade to be valued in life. And a lot of guys, we want naturally, we want them to be happy, we want them to be themselves. 00:51:47.44 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:51:51.74 iandawsonmackay We don't want them to portray themselves in a certain way. I've gone on dates recently and I can feel the person that's trying to be somebody else. and i I don't need that in my life and I'd rather not ah attract somebody or date somebody who is through going the way that I want to be coming back from. 00:52:01.71 Michelle Rose Yeah. 00:52:13.81 iandawsonmackay How do we So there's probably a probably ah yeah a is how are that for people who are interested in the shoot? How could you explain about how the shoot goes and you know what happens on the day, et cetera? 00:52:27.31 Michelle Rose yeah 00:52:27.43 iandawsonmackay And B, do you find that once people are coming out of a confident, how would you explain to them to use that for confidence? But how to put boundaries in their lives, how to how to keep moving in that direction, you know, not just take a bit of confidence and go, you know, your ass looked amazing in that photo or whatever it is. How do you then go, let's, you know, I want you to go tackle the world. I want you to stop living through work. I want you to go and find yourself again. 00:52:58.20 iandawsonmackay So how how do you use the shoot on the day? But then how do you take that confidence, self-belief, self-esteem to then level up in the journey of life? 00:53:09.12 Michelle Rose What a little up. 00:53:09.78 iandawsonmackay And yes, I hate myself for using that. so 00:53:15.08 iandawsonmackay Yeah, um every time everybody uses level up, because obviously next level guy, so I'm just, whatever I use, I feel dirty using it. 00:53:21.31 Michelle Rose I love it. 00:53:23.59 iandawsonmackay ah 00:53:24.99 Michelle Rose Oh, I love it. No, I really like that term level up. um Okay, so how does it run and how do we, yeah, I'll get you. um I love to take little behind the scenes videos and photos. So the first photo shoot I hired a beautiful house for like half a day. So we're in and we're out and it was amazing. And I had a photographer, cause I've done a lot of events with yoga and breath work and all that sort of stuff. And I always get a photographer, but then behind, like i'll always always have my phone camera in the background as well. Cause there's so much that the photographer can capture, but then I kind of like both angles. And so I already knew from doing lots of events that on the photo shoot, the photographer can only capture so much. 00:54:14.61 Michelle Rose but then I wanted the phones on to capture all the other stuff because all the behind the scenes stuff is so fun. And it's real, you know, because people are posing for a camera, but behind the scenes it's like, we're just being ourselves. And we're trying to be ourselves in the poses, but it just, it brings through the character if you've got videos running. So what I did for the first shoot was I had two photographers. ah One was a behind the scenes photographer capturing all the fun stuff in the background. And I had my phone on like a time lapse, so it showed the fast videos as well, and then the main photographer. so um So people, and I was posting like a lot of little snippets behind the scenes sort of stuff, so people could see, but I put it on my story rather than the main page. And people could see, oh, this is them getting their makeup done, or this is them changing, um which was really funny, by the way, I've got to tell you that little story there. 00:55:09.97 Michelle Rose when we when we did the first photo shoot and had like seven girls and they were all there to help me I said guys I need to heal this regret and this is how I'm doing it like through not neglecting myself anymore and this is how I'm doing it um learning how to take care of myself learning how to do my makeup I really didn't know um all that sort of stuff and so they said cool we'll come and help you do that and so we're all quite in the lounge room like trying to be all careful with how we put our lingerie on and cover ourselves out but after that sort of first lot of photos and we wanted to do an outfit change. 00:55:44.42 Michelle Rose It was just like, we're just stripped off. Like we were so comfortable by that stage. 00:55:49.19 iandawsonmackay much. 00:55:50.52 Michelle Rose That was just like how that's it. We'll just take it off and just put on the new stuff. We didn't care any anymore. So it's like the energy just gets, it was just so friendly and people so felt so comfortable so quickly. And mind you, none of the girls knew each other. in that first photo shoot. I don't know, I've got this thing where I can put people together and it just works. I've done it all the time with my friends. I've always had varied friends and I just invite everyone over and they all get along. I just know who's gonna get along. So the second photo shoot, I decided, well, that was for my 48th birthday. So I decided that I'd give myself a birthday gift and I wanted to stay in this beautiful beach house. It was in the area that I grew up at Yamina Beach. 00:56:34.07 Michelle Rose And so I got this big house and I wanted to make a weekend of it. Cause I was like, I don't want half a day. It's a bit rushed. So I wanted a whole weekend so we could plan together. And so we just had like four girls and a fifth on the first night. There was one girl sort of in some of the photos, but she couldn't be in all of them cause of her work. And she didn't come prepared anyway. So we had two photographers. We had three photographers for that shoot. We all stayed in this big house. And the first night we organized a photo shoot where we were literally like, it was like in a lounge room, all cozy, and we were there honestly sharing why we were there. And it was honest. What's the pain point that got us on that photo shoot? What have we been struggling with in our life? um Trying to move into this healthy, feminine, healthy, masculine energy, trying to take care of ourselves, trying to have a life that we love, 00:57:33.27 Michelle Rose And what are the challenges that we're are facing with that? um And so we had this beautiful share and we had the photos taken as we were honestly sharing with each other. So that really bonded us. And the next day we got up and we did all the sunrise shots, the beach shots, the nature shots, the sunset shots. It was phenomenal. But we were really connected by that stage. because And we we had a bit of a cry in that photo shoot because we were like, Well, I got into this because my boyfriend cheated on me and I felt disgusting and horrible. And and I told them again, why I got into it and the different stages I've come through in that. And one thing I had to get over was people pleasing, not being liked, like seeing, waking up in the morning after I'd posted something on my public page in lingerie and seeing five, 10 people drop off my page because I've offended them. 00:58:27.20 Michelle Rose I used to wake up going, oh my God, my God, you know, do I see these people? 00:58:31.24 iandawsonmackay I know that feeling. 00:58:33.13 Michelle Rose You know, it's like, I've offended them. Oh my God, what are they thinking? I hope they read the content because they if they just look at the pictures, they're going to think I'm trying to sum to the porn star. like And now I'm just like, ah, who cares? 00:58:47.44 iandawsonmackay But that probably is a sign that they're not ready in their own journey to understand your message or to understand what you're trying to do. And, ah you know, if I remember, was it Gary Vaynerchuk? And he said, you have to feel bad for somebody that comes on as somebody's. podcast, show, whatever it is, and leaves a negative comment. It doesn't just go, no, it's not for me, and leaves. 00:59:10.07 Michelle Rose and 00:59:10.90 iandawsonmackay so They actually take the effort to log on, to sign up, to add the comment, to then to to you know just, and you think, it either doing it because they're hurt themselves, so they need attention, they're being bullied elsewhere in their life, and they have to try to take the power back by bullying others. And there's all these, mate like you know and he goes into it in different versions of videos, and 00:59:27.92 Michelle Rose Thank you. 00:59:33.04 iandawsonmackay you suddenly think, yeah, I should feel sorry for them. And I think that's the thing is we you take it as a personal slight when somebody leaves your show. Like I know that I have had a one star review and it's like, ah oh, my God, I ended the world that i'm thinking it's probably one of my exes pissed off for me or it's this or it's that. But it it took me a while to realize it's not personal insult. My message or that interview or that version of my show was just not suitable for them. And it's difficult to kind of establish that boundary. 01:00:06.17 iandawsonmackay Do you still struggle with that? kind of Or are you now just like, nah, this is Michelle. This is PLF. 01:00:13.92 Michelle Rose and 01:00:14.99 iandawsonmackay We're taking over the world. This is what we're doing. Do you you still find that struggle? 01:00:18.84 Michelle Rose Yes. Oh, I'm going to answer that, but I want to backtrack a bit because I didn't answer the rest of your question about the girls, like post photo shoot, post, like how do they, so I forgot to answer that. 01:00:28.25 iandawsonmackay Oh, sorry. 01:00:32.57 Michelle Rose um So I find that because this is an ongoing project, and our photos keep getting, like the girls see themselves getting uploaded. And they'll send me little snippets about little quotes that are resonating with them right now and um tell me why, like what are they going through. um So I find because it is an ongoing project and it's not like we do the photo shoot and that's done, okay, that was a milestone, well done, I got through it. 01:00:51.14 iandawsonmackay Hmm. 01:00:56.67 Michelle Rose um And I saw, because you know, we're not young. Like I think in the last one, I don't even know how old Alessia is. um 30 something, but then you've got Lillian, who's the Brazilian, she's like 41, and then you've got Tennille, who's 46, I'm 48. So it's nice to have that milestone at these ages going, you know, you don't hang up your boots at 30. Like you can still um look after yourself and feel good in your skin in the late 40s. But post photo shoot, because it's ongoing, it constantly taps us all into how am I growing? How am I growing? 01:01:34.80 Michelle Rose Am I really living true to this? Or am I overwhelmed and overworked again and putting myself last? So to answer that question, I think it's the ongoingness of the project and that we know that other women are wanting to get involved. um The other girl, like the girls on the project, like Tennille is really big advocate. She's like, yeah, let's round up the troops. Let's get more women into this. Like that's helped them because it's huge and Tennille's had big healings from it. So the others, so by now in terms of, worried about being liked and hated and judged and for what I'm doing. That was massive for me for a very long time. Oh yeah, I thought you'd frozen. But now it's funny, I've only turned the corner. I've only turned the corner with that maybe a month ago where I felt, I don't know, I just felt it suddenly lift. I just, I was like, I actually don't care anymore. Like, and I don't, I think it was just took time 01:02:34.62 Michelle Rose Because I really cared for a long time. I just think i think my message is so much clearer. I think I'm really, really living my talk. I come really every day onto what life am I constantly creating for myself? And is it a life that makes that gives me pleasure and joy every day? Yes, it is. And now also, because I've started just started to make videos for the page, I'm now happier that I am explaining, because I think sometimes I post pictures and I didn't properly explain. 01:03:07.00 Michelle Rose And without videos, it's, you know, people tend to really engage with video when they can see me speaking. um But because it was just pictures, they, they can make a snap judgment. 01:03:18.18 iandawsonmackay Yeah. 01:03:19.24 Michelle Rose But now I think I'm, you know, part of it was like, because it would trigger people because of their stuff. um And part of it was because I wasn't talking people through it. Why am I doing this? What is this? i think Now, you know, making an effort to really explain what this is all about and give the project a bit more value and respect from me. So now that I know that I'm explaining it properly and I'm much clearer on my message and message and I know that I'm walking my talk, um now I'm not concerned. People drop off and it's not for them. I'm not taking that personally. 01:03:56.08 iandawsonmackay Because it definitely I've been there where you put something out and you're so proud of what you've achieved, but the message behind it or the you've maybe not thought about how others would perceive it that suddenly when you get a negative comment, it can really feel like a knife in your back. And then suddenly you're kind of like, oh, right. 01:04:13.67 Michelle Rose yeah 01:04:15.65 iandawsonmackay But and then you do you realize that's just you need to shape it a little bit differently. you know And that's when you see the growth in yourself. You go, oh, I'm not taking that personally. I'm taking I remember I put something out and I deal with OCD, depression, et cetera. And I remember putting a comment out about how to change something. And I thought this is an amazing video. And I put it on a mental health Reddit post. saying, this has really helped me. And somebody commented and said, and another they're fucking podcaster that doesn't know how to deal with life when they have a mental health problem. 01:04:49.81 iandawsonmackay And I was like, whoa, because it made me realize 01:04:51.92 Michelle Rose Wow, and you said it's helped me. 01:04:55.07 iandawsonmackay And it helped me. And i was I was suddenly thinking, oh, but they're in their level of pain. I was in my level of pain. I didn't understand where they were coming from. And ah then I realized that maybe that was my ego needing a bit of validation rather than me genuinely trying to help that person. And I feel like, oh, right. And that's when I realized I was getting that growth, that I was no longer taking it personally. I was trying to understand it before. And how could I make it better for the next person to help their understanding of it? 01:05:24.43 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:05:24.63 iandawsonmackay or you know And I was like, oh. So I think that's as beautiful that you're doing that and you're still helping them through their growth. 01:05:29.55 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:05:31.78 iandawsonmackay And you know like if they need to have a cry, if they need to journal, if they come to terms with their own religious, sexual, physical, whatever it is in the past, helping them by that collaboration, that group. How how do you find you've changed as a person by doing this? how how you but If you look back at that Michelle that was burnt out, tired, hating life, to the Michelle just now that's so full of fun, love, abundance, once taken on the world, putting out your videos, wanting to help so many people, doing another photo shoot soon. 01:06:12.56 iandawsonmackay How do you resonate between the two? Do you see yourself as getting closer to the the Michelle you want or is it now opening up the the avenues that you want to explore in life? 01:06:17.21 Michelle Rose me 01:06:28.71 Michelle Rose Yeah. um The old Michelle I found really immature, only because because I was 01:06:47.40 Michelle Rose I found immature because I just felt so young because of the conditioning that I've been taught I had to live by was so like, it just, I felt like a little girl. Like I needed all this external stuff and I needed this man to do all these things for me. And um I'm big into, like, you know, I'm i'm a straight woman. I don't care what other people are, but so I always talk about male and female, that's because that's where I'm coming from. Um, now I love the idea of a partner, um, but I don't rely on a man to do certain things for me. Like I'm self-sufficient. So the old Michelle, I found immature, whereas like, Oh, I'm just a female, so I can only do this stuff and I've got to have a man to do all the other stuff. But now since I got the big ass kicking two and a half years ago, we're like, well, Michelle, you're on your own. None of that's worked. 01:07:44.13 Michelle Rose It really made me grow up and go, look, I can do everything myself. I don't eventually want to. I want to collaborate with a partner, but I've got it all. Like I don't need anybody to fulfill any need. um And that's not coming from a wounded place. That's coming from a more mature place. And so for now, the old Michelle and this Michelle, um I just find, I really, how did it go through all that grief and the confronting way that my life changed when i wasn't when it didn't go in the direction I thought it would, gave me so much depth. And that's why, back to our original talk about the grief and and you know moving through all that stuff, because I sat in it and I really, I was like, I want to get all of this out of me, 01:08:36.58 Michelle Rose so that I don't, um you know, talking relationship terms, I don't just meet another man that's the same, but with a different face. I was like, I really wanna get this out of me. It gave me so much depth. And so for now, the new me is like, I find myself mature, self-sufficient, but in a good way, not not not shielded, open, but I'm not waiting for anyone to help me or to save me. um But also I have an incredible amount of depth that I wouldn't have had if I didn't go through the pain that I've been through. And I've been through other life, you know, lots of pain points in my life that have also given me a lot of depth, but but that was a big one. So from that Michelle to this Michelle, um I love that I've used this as well. Like you do, as you say, like, 01:09:34.44 Michelle Rose You know, your, your podcast is quite healing for you. Project LeFam is constantly healing for you. It was constant therapy. um So yeah, and it really, and it's, and it's a responsibility. Like I am posting vulnerable pictures of women and it's a responsibility. Like I can't be silly with that. I've got to predict it. That's why the group is private. It's only certain things that I'll put on my public page. So I really like the woman that's coming out of me. Like I really do genuinely like who I am. ah like who I've become. Yeah and I trust myself and I love that all of this is coming from me tuning into a power that I can't see. I love that it's it's not all coming from my intellect, actually none of it's coming from my intellect, it's all coming from just being guided and handing over and just praying okay what's the next move for me? What do you want to do through me? 01:10:30.57 iandawsonmackay I loved the little smile, you know that? 01:10:31.70 Michelle Rose ah very long answers 01:10:33.14 iandawsonmackay No, I love that. I love that little sort of almost like soul smile when you were kind of actually thinking about it and then you were kind of like, I like who I have become. And you could see your, you know, you're kind of just lifted up. It was that kind of like, oh, I do. You know, and I always love these kind of reflecting questions because a lot of times, you know, it's talking about a book, it's talking about a film or whatever. And we don't always get a time to stop and go, geez, look how far you've come, you know, this amazing journey. 01:10:55.80 Michelle Rose I have very long answers. 01:11:01.47 iandawsonmackay And you're like, whoa, 01:11:01.49 Michelle Rose Yeah, 01:11:03.16 iandawsonmackay Because I can't even remember the aim of before. but Because to be but you look at your current issues, you don't think about how far you've come. So for people who are in this same boat, who are like, pain, burnt out, grief, crying, can't deal with their past, broke up with a partner, whatever their 01:11:12.99 Michelle Rose yeah that's a great question. 01:11:25.48 iandawsonmackay personal journey is, how would you want them to tackle it again, like to go forward? If you had to give them sort of three steps in that journey, how would they know they're on the right track? What are they looking for in terms of the outputs as they're changing? Is it standing up for themselves, putting boundaries in place? Is it just feeling whole again or is it have smiling? what What are signs that we're on the right track and as we change? 01:11:59.04 Michelle Rose a I don't know about everybody but I can only speak about the signs for myself so I think you asked me two different questions you wonder which but um'm I'm good at catching this stuff because I think my brain works ah connecting the dots so ah number one the process like what are the steps for me um there's a process I learnt from um 01:12:08.90 iandawsonmackay Oh, I have a habit of sorry. 01:12:26.74 Michelle Rose Oh, he's not with us now, but he's incredible. He's a man that changed his life phenomenally. ah Bob Proctor, do you know Bob Proctor? 01:12:37.24 iandawsonmackay The theme rings a bell and I can't think why. 01:12:40.45 Michelle Rose Okay, he's like self-development guru, but like he really comes from he came from such a beautiful, heartfelt space. So anyway, he was like always sick, always poor, always like um you know never got anywhere. um you know, would get fired and all that stuff, not educated, couldn't read. And he went from that to like, billionaire, like running companies and ended up teaching. He couldn't figure out how he broke through so phenomenally with money and business and wealth. And then he figured it out. And then he started to teach that. And so 01:13:17.07 Michelle Rose You know, he'd come through with these one-liners and just little snippets. Anytime, you know, I could get a recording of his talks, I would listen over and over. And this is when I was going through my change. But he really helped me massively. And there's this little, little process that I do from him. And he said, look, if you're going through anything in your life and you can't figure it out, you don't know how to resolve this. And he gave examples of people that have had really big issues that they were dealing with. um He said, here's the process. This is what you do. He's like, you get a pen and paper, you write down 10 things you're grateful for, because gratitude plugs you into source. And I'm like, whoa, that spoke to me massively. So gratitude plugs you into source, so write down 10 things you're grateful for. Then write down three people that you want to send love to. Like imagine sources sending love through your heart to them, even if you're really pissed off with them, especially those people. Three people you want to send love to. And then just 01:14:15.52 Michelle Rose spend five minutes in in silence just try and go pretty blank focus on your breath and let the process work for you and he's like that's it just keep repeating that so I do that there's one little process and I don't know how it works but he said it will just somehow solve problems so I do it and and big business people have done this and he's like the results are phenomenal and they really are like when I'm when I'm struggling with something it gets sorted out in in a beautiful way somehow. So that's the little process that I do. Prayer is something that I really never used to do before because as I said, I ah grew up in a religious home and I just hated a lot of that because I was forced to do that sort of stuff. But for me, it never really resonated in that way. So in the last two and a half years, ive I've just realized that I wasn't asking for stuff. 01:15:12.50 Michelle Rose I wasn't asking. So now I pray for what I want. So I'm focused on that. And then I hand it over and I just ask, look, if there's anything I need to be doing um or not doing for this to happen, show me the way. And I ask, can it be this or better? So that's another little process that I do. And then you asked, what was the next, like the second part of your, oh, how do people know if they're getting results? 01:15:35.60 iandawsonmackay Well, how do you know if you're on the right track? Yeah. 01:15:39.46 Michelle Rose Yeah. ah So for me, um I wrote when I was back then, I'm like, okay, I'm here in my life, which wasn't where I wanted to be. And I want to be here. Like, I don't want to spend like I was 46 when it happened. I'm 48 now. um But I'm like, I want massive growth now. I can't fuck around anymore. Like, you know, I'm 46. And I'm like nowhere near where I thought I should be. So I need 01:16:10.77 Michelle Rose progress. I need results. I want to see like, okay, what do I want? So I wrote down the income I wanted. I worked down, I wanted to travel every three months because I'm like, I knew that I needed to cut, I could, I can work like, you know, easy, like working for me is no problem. But I needed to cut that. So I'm like, I need, I need regular holidays. So I wanted to a holiday every three months. um I wanted, um there's a whole bunch of stuff And so for me, I just see him, I'm ticking off that stuff. And I absolutely am. So i'll I'll pray like, okay, what are the actions I need to do? And then I'll, I will somehow get onto Bob Proctor, which is what happened. So somehow he came up on my feed and I realized, wow, this is really helping me. um And if it's a health thing, ah something will come up on my feed that, you know, miraculously appears which exactly what I need. um So for me, it's like, 01:17:08.00 Michelle Rose I write down where I want to be and I'm like, am I seeing those results? And I said on one of my videos recently, like, yeah, immediately I, I was taking four holidays a year immediately. Even if there were staycations, I took action on that straight away. Cause it was something I was fearful of doing before I'm like, oh, how am I going to have the money for all of that? Or, and living exactly where I wanted to live. I knew I wanted to, you know, two bedroom, two bathroom storage, place with all glass and a view. I'm there now. That's how I live now. But I told myself in the past, I couldn't do that without a partner. I'm like, I'm doing it. I have a partner. I've got it all to myself. um So yeah, I write down the results and I make sure I'm ticking them off. And if they're not happening, then I need to change course. I need to ask again. So for me, that's, you know, if people don't have like a vision of where they want to be from where they're at now. They're not going to know if they're getting the results. 01:18:04.30 Michelle Rose they're not going to know if the actions they're taking are getting them anyway. So me, I want obvious results. So this year, as I said, I have three overseas holidays when previously my head said, well, you can only do that when you've got a partner because it's cheaper. 01:18:19.85 iandawsonmackay but 01:18:20.92 Michelle Rose But now I'm like, I'm getting the beautiful accommodation by myself and I'm doing everything by myself. I don't need a partner to have overseas holidays. But yeah, I'm ticking it all off. So I don't, that's the only way I can see for other people is ask for it, pray for it, be asked to show in the way, take the action and make sure like check in. Am I, am I ticking these things off my list? Gotta be clear. 01:18:45.40 iandawsonmackay But... I love that. 01:18:47.23 Michelle Rose I've got to have a clear picture of where we want to go. 01:18:52.22 iandawsonmackay No, i I love the way that you're kind of, you've set this up and how you've kind of set these habits to kind of work on yourself and to kind of deal with the recovery of it, because I think a lot of people struggle, you know, when they make a change, they kind of feel the emotions and go, oh, I'm backing off that. So they slip back into old habits. It's like you're saying earlier, the lower version of yourself goes back where the higher version of yourself wants to go forward. And I think sometimes we need these recovery parts, you know, like breath work, yoga, reading, journaling, visualization. 01:19:19.57 Michelle Rose Yes. 01:19:27.08 iandawsonmackay For me, it was jujitsu for a while. yeah I needed some sort of mental and physical output to kind of feel connected to my body again. 01:19:31.01 Michelle Rose ae Yeah. 01:19:35.06 iandawsonmackay And now that I'm not doing it just now, I'm kind of like, oh, and I think that's part of where I'm craving. And I think we we don't have recovery methods. We seem to think it's going to go from here to here, and that's going to be me fixed. We don't think about all this extra stuff coming out and going, how do you how do you fix from that? And I love how you you guys are using the photo shoots, for example, as part of that recovery process. Now you're planning another photo shoot soon. 01:20:05.97 Michelle Rose Mm. 01:20:06.04 iandawsonmackay How would you want people listening? you know Maybe a girl, maybe a guy who's thinking, my partner would be amazing for that, or my friend, my sister, whatever it is. how how do you get them and you know How should people who are interested get in touch with you? What do you want to do for the next the next shoot? Who's it for? How do you want it to run? How do you want the brand to evolve? Because I think we're just touching the surface and we have to do another one and you know really go into different things. 01:20:36.94 Michelle Rose yeah 01:20:37.76 iandawsonmackay But the next shoot... 01:20:40.03 Michelle Rose Yeah, we've got to talk about the men's one too. Because i I've been asked about that. 01:20:42.71 iandawsonmackay Oh, definitely. I think I'll be doing that probably myself. 01:20:45.59 Michelle Rose I mean, I just don't know what you guys would wear, but okay. 01:20:45.68 iandawsonmackay but 01:20:48.99 Michelle Rose I do have an idea. 01:20:50.39 iandawsonmackay how how do you think like how How would you take it from the here? 01:20:50.63 Michelle Rose It wouldn't be lingerie. 01:20:53.47 iandawsonmackay you know like what how How do you want the next shoot to go? and kind of Because you your first one was half day, you rented the house. The second one was a sort of expression of love for the female form in the two days. Are you going to take a week and are you going to run run the world from this point? 01:21:12.18 Michelle Rose weekend house yeah uh 01:21:15.81 iandawsonmackay How are you going to evolve this? And how are you going to keep improving and helping people? 01:21:23.14 Michelle Rose so firstly how can they contact me they can contact me through my public page or firstly join the page so the instagram page is projectlafem project.lafem um but you can like my public page is michelle.roseyoga i'm sure you're going to have that in the show notes so um Just follow both of those. I'm super friendly, so just send me questions, ask me questions about any of this. um And in terms of the photo shoot, while I'm in Sydney, Australia, I have had people contact me from overseas. The next photo shoot, i'd see I see it in visuals. I see it again in a house, but I see it more in the mountains. We've got Blue Mountains close to Sydney, so something quite green might be there. 01:22:10.58 Michelle Rose but um so Anybody can come, any woman at this stage, um if there's enough male interest, then I'll definitely do something for men as well. um And ah and you know it's it's not about, I know that the women in the photos do happen to be, you know I've had a lot of comments that you know they're all models, none of us are models. Like one girl in the first photo shoot, she has now done a bit of modeling and another girl has done a tiny bit. 01:22:40.33 iandawsonmackay Hmm. 01:22:45.97 Michelle Rose um But when that's not what it's about. It's about, you know, it's about healing. It's about addressing our self relationship and our relationship and our opinion of our bodies and and this self neglect. So anybody who's on that journey and who feels the call, they'll feel the calling, they'll feel the pull towards it, and a whole lot of fear, it's for them. Anybody who's feeling a bit of curiosity, it's for them. um Even if it takes them a while to actually jump on board. um And then for the women that are overseas, I'm figuring that out. Because like I can, we can organize a shoot for women who are, like I've had some people in Scotland actually asked me, 01:23:32.54 Michelle Rose Um, so I've suggested to some women, like if I don't go over there and do it with them, um, we can figure out how to, like, I can, I can tell them how to organize it and then I'll get them on the page and they can just get involved. So if there's enough interest of like like that, like I'm super creative and so we'll figure it out. 01:23:53.56 iandawsonmackay I love it. 01:23:53.62 Michelle Rose I may not, may not be with them. Otherwise just fly over here because the next one would be in Sydney. 01:23:55.76 iandawsonmackay I love how you're kind of already thinking, how can I take this global? How can we help so many people out with this? And I was trying to think of a catchphrase just now and in my head was going, expose yourself to find yourself. And then I thought, that's maybe not a catchphrase to use. but 01:24:15.41 Michelle Rose Cause see, guys in jackets. It's funny because Tennille said one of her friends, Tennille's one of the girls, she said one of her friends was like, she's trying to wrap her head around it. 01:24:18.44 iandawsonmackay ah 01:24:24.87 Michelle Rose And this was before I was doing the videos to explain. She's like, oh, well, if it's all about like loving yourself now and like um how you feel about yourself now, you can do that without the lingerie. And Tennille's like, oh yeah, exactly. So she's like, so so you're there now. She's like, I'm totally there now. markca you know, I love who I am. I totally accept myself as that. And I was like, awesome. Well, come with us on the weekend. Come to the photo shoot. I'd love you to be in it. She's like, Oh God, no, no, no, because my body, this is wrong and this is wrong and I'm not there yet. And all these problems started coming out with her self image. And she's, it's like, that's why we do it in lingerie, to, to confront that shit. Because it's like, 01:25:09.60 Michelle Rose You can say that you're feeling good about yourself and, you know, you're, you know, but that just says, you're feeling good about yourself. um But when you remove all the layers of clothing, then a whole other part comes out, then a whole other story comes out. It's like, how good are you really feeling about yourself? Because then people, it's very confronting. 01:25:35.47 iandawsonmackay It's like taking the armor off, isn't it? 01:25:35.83 Michelle Rose It's so vulnerable. 01:25:37.81 iandawsonmackay It's the taking off the the eagle self-deflecting armor to show the real you. 01:25:44.47 Michelle Rose Yeah, it's like, I can feel super confident in a skivvy that comes up to here in a turtleneck jumper and like covered from head to toe. ah But yeah, you put me in lingerie and I'm like, whoa, um okay. Here's all the stuff that I thought about my body that I didn't have to. Well, you know, when it's summertime, you gotta to like strip off to go to the beach. just like Sometimes it's like, okay, how am I feeling in my body right now? And not, and quite often, the way that we're feeling in our body is like, it's coming like It can just show a whole level of, um there's a whole level of stuff that just doesn't come to mind if we're not revealing that to others like at the beach or to a new partner and we're getting undressed or in lingerie. Do you know what I mean? Did that make sense? 01:26:38.74 iandawsonmackay A lot more. I was just thinking just now about how guys are always meant to be. Well, you're used to having your top off and you're playing, you know, like t-shirts versus skins at football or whatever, you know. And I think guys are we're exactly the same. 01:26:49.84 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:26:51.90 iandawsonmackay We're judged on muscles, we're judged on. them And a lot of times but we're afraid to take our tops off because things are bouncing maybe more than the next guy or you know And sometimes it's like when they go to the gym, we're like, oh, I can't go ask that big muscular guy how to eat properly or whatever. 01:27:02.35 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:27:08.95 iandawsonmackay He'll laugh at me. Whereas sometimes they're the nicest people because they know that journey themselves and they're more than happy to give. you know But we immediately go, oh, hell no. he you know We judge ourselves based against them. and they're just happy we're on our journey. They're happy to help us. And and it's weird to see the male and the female versions of that it. 01:27:25.85 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:27:30.77 iandawsonmackay Whereas again, it's come back to looks where guys, it's afraid of being thought of silly and stupid. 01:27:32.00 Michelle Rose yeah 01:27:36.65 iandawsonmackay And yeah, it's really hitting home. And its it's making me realize like how I spoke to a lady called Elise Michaels. and She was saying how you don't lose how to have fun. You don't lose how to be yourself or the part of yourself. It's still there. You just don't know how to find it again. And you just need to eliminate the stuff that's not working for you and find the stuff that is working for me. And i've and i'm losing I'm leaving a job in September. And I think it was part of a mutual severance scheme. And i it was like society was telling me, no, you need to go do something more now. You need to stop living through life, through work. You need to go and find yourself again and take the podcast and stop 01:28:26.26 iandawsonmackay you know spending weeks in the doldrums and not posting, get out there because it's helping people. and do you know And I think that's how you're doing it with the project. You're kind of realizing now that it's not just you that is healing, you're healing a lot more people by telling your story. 01:28:37.96 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:28:41.44 iandawsonmackay And you're kind of like, it really hits you. 01:28:41.60 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:28:43.58 iandawsonmackay You kind of go, whoa. And I think sometimes you get so wrapped up in it being perfect, you don't just do because one person might find that random post that you don't think is good enough that changes their life. That kind of gets them on their journey. 01:28:58.60 Michelle Rose Yeah and do you ever find like yeah I've I've found that um there've been moments where I'm like oh I don't think I really need to do this like um I think it's done or you know maybe it's not serving anyone or you know it's run its course and that's when like I think the universe sends through the people like and they'd be like 01:29:00.91 iandawsonmackay Is there a part of this? so we go 01:29:23.12 Michelle Rose Oh my God, I can't tell you how much this has helped me. Thank you so much for doing this. I think it's amazing. I love what you're doing. Keep going. 01:29:29.58 iandawsonmackay Hmm. 01:29:29.90 Michelle Rose This has helped me. This is in this way. You're so brave. Like you've really made me reflect on a few things here. And um yeah, it's funny. Like I think when we realize it's not self-service, when moments like that happen, where it's like the universe will start to send people, all of a sudden it's happened to me like You know, numerous people have come through telling me, um I'm watching, but I'm terrified. I'm, you know, I've got, you know, my images about my body are actually now affecting my marriage. And like, you know, this one particular woman is absolutely stunning. She's just got a lot of image problems. And she said, it's affecting my marriage because my husband's like, Oh God, I'm just so sick of hearing this. And, you know, it's just sends them through just when I think, Oh, I think I'm done with this now. 01:30:20.87 Michelle Rose You know, it's just like, we are just warming up. Like, I don't know. You ain't going anywhere. 01:30:24.98 iandawsonmackay and the the sub thing is he's probably been sorted by her like he you know he he 01:30:25.83 Michelle Rose Keep going. 01:30:31.20 Michelle Rose Yes. 01:30:33.14 iandawsonmackay you know, he'll huddle at the moon, the say like he'll go in and then if he sees her in an underwear or coming out the shower, he'll be sitting there going, I can't believe how lucky I am. She makes me feel so happy. And she's probably sitting there thinking, I hate this, I hate that. And you know, it's I remember my mom saying that one day about her legs, her varicose veins on her legs. You know, she did back before they tried to they tried to remove them surgically and it had made these big swellings on her legs and stuff. 01:30:59.48 Michelle Rose Yeah, that was a mess back then. 01:31:00.44 iandawsonmackay And I remember her saying, And I was like, do you not feel bad about that? And I remember her saying, no, because it's a sign that I've had kids. It's a sign that I've gone through motherhood. It's a sign. And that was kind of like. And I'm worried about some keloid scarring. I've got I'm worried about like just now how I carried on eating like I'm still training jiu-jitsu. So I ate for like five people and I trained like I was sitting on the sofa all day during in Covid. And suddenly I was like. Hey, I've got breasts here. 01:31:30.87 iandawsonmackay What's up? but you know But I'm not a different person. I can hit the gym again. you know but it's I think we beat ourselves up because we see these models and all these kinds of TV. They're just as unhappy. They've got their own demons and stuff. And I love how you're changing lives by doing this. And I think that's like the universe reminding you, you are doing good. 01:31:53.32 Michelle Rose um Thank you. 01:31:55.23 iandawsonmackay You are doing amazing things. And you should be super proud of what you're doing. And I think we've we've got to do a round two and really push it. But is there things, is there an area of it that you don't feel like you get enough to talk about? Is there a question that you've always wanted to or an area that you've always wanted to mention that you don't feel gets enough attention or understanding, perhaps? 01:32:23.70 Michelle Rose not really no because i'm really good at like um uh like i'll be making the videos now so i'll just i'm happy in front of a camera i mean if it comes to me like i really need to express that 01:32:35.30 iandawsonmackay feel like okay and remember somebody saying to me 01:32:40.98 iandawsonmackay I remember somebody saying to me that if you have that question, Google it, because 10,000 other people will have it. But if you're a creator, put a video out on it, because you'd be amazed at how many people will be looking for that answer. And I think that's why it's so good youre doing vi that you're doing now as well. 01:32:54.74 Michelle Rose Oh, I love that. 01:32:57.98 iandawsonmackay And I think that's going to help so many people, because they can resonate with that. They can understand where you're coming from. But it also helps you grow the vision and understand it in a deeper level and change how you're doing it. 01:33:10.38 Michelle Rose We ought to explain it. 01:33:12.42 iandawsonmackay how How do you want people to take from this? like How do you want people to to resonate with this, to take this message? um um Because I'm waiting on how much time of yours I've used that, but how how do you want people to to to 01:33:26.87 Michelle Rose I thoroughly enjoyed our chat. I just keep going. 01:33:30.16 iandawsonmackay how how you How would you want them to grow from this or to change, to kind of take your message from this, to check, to follow project with them, to do all these amazing things you've talked about? 01:33:31.58 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:33:43.12 iandawsonmackay How do we then take that going forward and improve ourselves? 01:33:44.59 Michelle Rose yeah 01:33:47.65 Michelle Rose I would love people to really um just reflect on What brings me joy? What brings me pleasure? And am I fitting at least something of that into every day? Because if we're not, we might be drinking too much. We might be eating sugar. We might be into porn. We might be into some sort of numbing because I don't think we can really honestly suppress what lights us up and just not do it without us turning to something else. So I'd love them to tune into that. And if they don't know, 01:34:24.05 Michelle Rose If they're like, well, I don't really know what brings me joy. If they've got some sort of a belief in, you know, higher power, ask to be shown. And if not, ask to be shown anyway. Ask something, ask yourself, ask you're in a wisdom, like, go okay, well, you know, speak to yourself, like tell me, like your subconscious knows. So turn to that. But I honestly think it's, that's the big driver is like, don't, don't Don't think that you're gonna be happy later. 01:34:57.07 Michelle Rose You're gonna be happy now. 01:34:58.66 iandawsonmackay Hmm. 01:34:58.79 Michelle Rose Like, so for me, I'm looking at every day, what can I do that brings me pleasure and joy? Because if I don't, I'll just eat sugar, probably. um Every weekend, where's the me time? What's, why lighting me up giving me joy? ah Because like i'm I'm dating, so it's like, I don't want to then look to a man to give me all of that, because we often do. I'd be like, no, I have to have a full cup to go into the dating. otherwise it's just not gonna work. I'm gonna look to him for all my dopamine hits and then get pissed off when he doesn't give them to me. um and And then look at this ri the three, maybe the four holidays a year like I did, like how many holidays are you taking? Have you scheduled them in? When I got to California, um like what was it, four, five weeks ago, I was like, oh wow, um this this is so amazing, I'm having such a good time. And I looked at my bank accounts and I'm like, 01:35:51.92 Michelle Rose I could actually book in the next flights for the next holiday now. So I email my travel agent going, okay, in a few months time, I want to do these countries. um Can you look at flights for me, please? And I pay for the next day. I'm like, it's locked in there. So honestly, I think we just got to look in daily, every weekend, um and every few months, like what brings you pleasure and joy? Make sure you lock it in. Number one, like put yourself number one, your happiness number one. Because otherwise you're not going to make anybody else happy. You neglect yourself, you neglect everybody else. 01:36:25.13 iandawsonmackay I really hit home because I think I remember reading somewhere that you know like say there is a God and you turn up and you know he sits there and says there isn't a hell but your version of hell is to meet the person that you could have been if you took every opportunity if you lived your life like you really wanted to you know he took the opportunities, he did all the training, all the he went for the girl that he was interested in, he went to the gym when he said he was going to rather than staying on the couch feeling sad. 01:36:59.58 iandawsonmackay You know, you've seen the person that you could have become. And I think when I heard that, I was like, whoa, that is a version of hell. See what you could have become. 01:37:09.52 Michelle Rose yeah yes 01:37:09.71 iandawsonmackay And I think I think you mentioned about you returning from but is it the hardness and aggressiveness and a return to our soft nature. Do you find that's the most terrifying regret in life? Getting to 70, 80 and then looking back thinking, this is my retirement and I don't have time, energy, finance, love of life enough to go and do the stuff I told myself I would, and I've spent all my years burning myself out with work, suddenly now I'm like, because I see obituaries of work, so-and-s so and so has passed away. They get a paragraph and they've spent 20, 30, 40 years at the university and they get maybe two paragraphs, nothing about the person, just what they've done. And do you think they've given their whole life and that's it. 01:38:01.12 iandawsonmackay your job will be advertised before you're even buried once you pass away. Do you think it's that it's at the most terrifying thing that we're, there's all these men and women not living a life till suddenly it's too late and they can't then go on and become who they want to be? 01:38:18.51 Michelle Rose Yeah, for some reason when you were saying that, this something's really changed, my life popped up. So I'm just gonna answer it in this way. I think we can live in fear and scarcity or love and abundance and they're polar opposites and they don't coexist. And so I used to live in fear and scarcity. And so when we're living in that, it just, it perpetuates itself. It's just constant. So if we're coming from a place of fear, it's like, I've got to get somewhere, I'm not there yet. scarcity and we're just it's it just keeps breeding more of its own but when we leap over to love and abundance it just keeps breeding more of its own and so i've stepped over and it was a process um but now it's like i you know i'm constantly grateful i'm constantly writing down gratitude because i realize that's how you plug into source and the universe just keeps giving me the money to do all the stuff i want to do and i just keep 01:39:17.23 Michelle Rose you know, there's just so much love and support and abundance in my life in every single way. And so I think people need to realize that split and just check in with themselves. Am I living in fear and scarcity? And it's pretty bloody obvious if you are, because everything's hard, everything's a struggle, or is my life in flow? And I mean, and love and abundance. And love and abundance takes, I believe, prayer, or at least asking, um And then handing over trust, surrender, doing the actions that we got it to take. And then we will see, wow, like there's something that really wants me to succeed and it really wants me to be happy and or check in. Like, am I in fear of scarcity? Is everything hard? And does everything keep getting taken away from me? Do I keep losing everything? um And so for me, I just kind of want to answer that question like that. Just like check in, you can check in right now and it can change very, very quickly. 01:40:15.86 iandawsonmackay Because when I'm not, I mean, 01:40:15.93 Michelle Rose Ah, because what, like, don't live with regret. Like, we don't want to waste this life. Like, if you do sit down with God at the end of it all, and he's like, okay, cool. I give you the biggest sleep gift of all. I gave you life on this amazing planet. What did you do with it? Like, oh, shit. I thought the gift was, you know, now when I die. I was like, no. 01:40:35.38 iandawsonmackay Because I'm not religious at all. 01:40:35.40 Michelle Rose What did you do with it? 01:40:38.28 iandawsonmackay And I remember thinking, oh, that's quite an interesting concept. Then I thought, there are times when the universe throws prompts at me. Like just now, I left my last city that was living there for 11 years because they were doing redundancies. And it was like the universe was going, I've given you enough signs to go and do find a job and a career and all that yourself. Now we're going to make your redundant because I want you to go. I know you can be better. 01:41:03.28 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:41:03.32 iandawsonmackay And instead of taking as a negative, I was like, OK, the universe is telling me, come on. So I'm now taking this time as a. Okay, we know you can do more. You're at this level, we want you to level up and level up. And like you're doing with the photos, now you're taking it worldwide. You're now going to get guys in it. Maybe not as handsome as this, but any guy that's listening, please don't send her a profile shot. 01:41:25.93 Michelle Rose I can only hope. 01:41:28.14 iandawsonmackay Send her an email first. Don't just send her random pictures. ah but 01:41:33.22 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:41:33.44 iandawsonmackay But you know, I think that's the kind of thing. 01:41:34.11 Michelle Rose ah 01:41:35.76 iandawsonmackay It's like you're really making girls realize you don't need to be a model to model. You don't need to be beautiful to feel beautiful. 01:41:43.14 Michelle Rose No. 01:41:44.08 iandawsonmackay You can find your version of this and you can be who you want to be again. You don't need to sell your soul for work or for a partner. Your roles don't define you just because you're a mother. It doesn't mean that's all you are. Doesn't because you're a adding a secretary. That's not all you are. You are a person and I think we forget that. 01:42:05.28 Michelle Rose Yeah. 01:42:06.19 iandawsonmackay And you're doing, this is beautiful work that you're doing. And I love how you you're kind of now talking it and you're expressing it and you're dealing with it. 01:42:10.91 Michelle Rose Thank you. 01:42:16.24 iandawsonmackay How can we keep in touch? How can we follow you on this journey? Because I've just realised how long I've had you on now and I know you probably have so much else to do today but 01:42:24.90 Michelle Rose So fun. 01:42:25.91 iandawsonmackay Until we can get a second one in, how how how do you want people to keep in touch with you? 01:42:27.33 Michelle Rose It's been a pleasure. 01:42:31.20 iandawsonmackay How can we find you in social media? How can we follow along in this journey? How can we come to the yoga classes, volume breath work, the books, whatever it is? 01:42:44.53 Michelle Rose I think it's so simple. Just follow my two Instagrams, Michelle.RoseYoga, and then the private page, ah project.lefem. And just follow those, send me questions, send me messages, because I always will post what's happening next on those pages. um So that's the best way, nice and simple. Yeah, I've got a YouTube channel for yoga, I've got a website for yogurt breath work, but really my Instagram is what where it's all happening. 01:43:16.39 iandawsonmackay code.